I confess, my faith has been pretty weak lately. Sure I have been denying it to myself, only to become even more annoyed at circumstances. I want to share this with you not to be a discouragement but to encourage anyone who may be struggling at this time. Truth is we all do. Yet everywhere on the internet we see smiling faces, perfect blogs, from the outside of others lives we read it as perfection. Man…they have it good, I wish my life was as good as that. I think we all have just a little bit of that in us, some more than others. I am one of the lucky ones who struggles greatly with it. Lately with trying to start my sewing business I have been looking at different blogs and at Etsy and I think to myself, wow, I can’t even compete with these people. They are soooo creative and their work is PERFECT. I see it from a picture and conclude they have no problems, their sewing is perfect, and every idea just comes so easily to them. Social media is great, but I think many people become discouraged because they always see the good. They never see the hard work and struggles that came with being successful. I saw a quote the other day that I cling to each day: I am paraphrasing “When most people give up, they don’t know how close to success they really were.” So I kept repeating that and praying that my dream will come true and I can leave physical therapy. But slowly, each day I had to go into work, each failed attempt with sewing my heart became more bitter and hurt. Then I slowly began asking God….why?
This morning God really opened my eyes. I did not realize how much I was asking God why. It started with my impatience with my job and slowly snowballing into every little thing. God why is there so much turmoil with our government? God why can’t you just open a door for me so I can leave my job? God why do you show others so plainly what to do, but ignore me? God why can’t I dig deeper into your word instead of just scratching the surface? And on and on, everyday, my attitude and thoughts were horrible and I am ashamed. I would describe it as kind of a haze, I knew I was wrong and needed to change my thoughts but I justified it because I thought God was being unfair and ignoring my prayers. Today he really opened my eyes and spanked me so to speak.
Every morning I read the devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I would recommend it to anyone. It gives bible verses and then has a section written as if Jesus was speaking directly to you. The first verse it directed me to was Psalm 89:15. I was off to a normal start, my thoughts were oh thats a nice verse. Then it directed me to Hebrews 12:1-2: “1. Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2. looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (I kept reading into verse 3) For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.” This is where God cleared my vision. I don’t know why it struck me, but it was like God just speaking to me, chastising me. God translated the verse I just read to, “Darcy, be so thankful for the church body I have blessed you with. Be thankful for the friends I have given you, they are there to help you, be an encouragement to them too. Please lay down your burdens, you are weighing yourself down with unnecessary pain. I am here ease your pain, please be patient and put your energy into loving me instead of worrying. The anxiety you fill your mind with is sucking the joy out of your life, building a wall between us, and then you blame me. Please trust me. Jesus died for you, please do not become weary, I made you for a purpose.” I kept reading in the chapter and it made reference to bitterness, chastisement, and lifting up our hands that hang down and make a path for yourself. It was striking each of my hurts and opening my eyes. Then I started reading the devotional and the first line was “Be on guard against the pit of self pity.” I just bowed my head, I am so sorry Lord, thank you for opening my eyes, forgive me.
I write this because 1. I felt God telling me to, and 2. Because I want to encourage you, to show you God loves you. He loves everyone and he is always there no matter what we may think or feel. Often we blame God for not listening or caring when it is our own attitudes or thoughts that is hindering our relationship. God will never leave us, never. I don’t know what your circumstance is, feeling inadequate, busyness of life, job stress, difficulty in marriage, death of a loved one, stresses of raising a family, financial strain, loneliness, hopelessness, the list goes on and on. I want you to believe God is there, he has a plan. Please don’t become as hurt and bitter as I was, please don’t let your thinking distort and cloud God’s truth. Don’t hold it in, please talk to someone who you trust and love. We are here to help each other along life’s path and to get to heaven. Please don’t be weary and faint in your mind. No ones duty is higher or more important in God’s eyes. He loves us the same and has created a plan and purpose for us all.
Joshua 1:9-Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.