I saw this on Facebook a couple days ago and loved it! I know it is simple and not really profound, but if your like me sometimes it is not that easy to believe! I have been pondering opening up and sharing a part of me I have keep hidden for the past couple years. Recently I have been more open about it because I feel God has lead me through this period of time to help others. I have been wanting to put it up on my blog, but that little voice kept lying to me. As I sit here staring at the computer screen there is a war going on in my head. Voice 1: people will think you are weird, they will think you are a Debbie downer, they wont be encouraged they will think you are just negative. Voice 2: Even if you give courage to one person it will be worth it, God wants you to help others. So I will listen to the voice of truth and tell you, even if it is kind of hard (:
I have always been a person with low self confidence, I think everyone is better than me and tend to let people take advantage of me. So that fact didn’t help matters any. I was shy in school and had one BEST friend, we did everything together. I had other friends but I never felt like I fit in. It was possibly because I was scared to. I met my boyfriend (now husband) when I was a sophmore in high school. As I look back I am so grateful for him, he was always by my side and I am not sure I could have made it through some of the things I went through without him. After graduation I moved away from home to attend college in Iowa. I am not going to go into detail but I went through some hard times that crushed my self confidence even more. It sent me into depression and anxiety. I got really good at faking, I don’t think anyone on the outside would have ever guessed that I was struggling. Of course the people I was closest to knew. I couldn’t fall asleep at night due to fear, I had not clue why I was scared. I started getting physical symptoms and wore my body down so much I got mono and a sinus infection. I was constantly listening to the liar voices in my head.
When I got married I improved a ton, but I still had lots of hurt in my heart. My physical symptoms went away but I still had no confidence and felt like I had no purpose. I couldn’t handle anything without high levels of anxiety. My thinking was mostly: your not good enough, you can’t do that, no one likes you, and on and on. I heard someone talking about depression once and he described a hummingbird he saw. This little hummingbird was trapped in a glass box of some sort, the little guy was frantic to get out. He kept banging up against the glass until he completely wore himself out. Finally he collapsed and just laid at the bottom of the box. The man reached down and picked up the bird, he just held him in the palm of his hand. The little bird was just quivering, heart racing, completely exhausted. But after he rested there awhile he regained his strength and flew away. The man’s point was God wants to hold us in his hand and let us rest to regain our strength. As I think about that story I know I was there. I was that bird.
The glass box was the lies Satan created in my head. I couldn’t get out of the box because due to our human nature, lies are so much easier to believe than God’s truth. I knew the bible was true, but I felt like I was the exception. Those awesome promises from God, well to me they were meant for someone better. I was completely exhausted at the end of each day. It was hard to admit I had a problem. I shouldn’t have a problem, I am a Christian and shouldn’t be feeling this way! I finally decided I couldn’t keep living like this. I called our church counseling center, it was the best thing I did. That was the point where I was lying in God’s hand resting. It didn’t happen overnight. I had my highs and then went back into my lows. But gradually I learned the truth. I was taught that those voices, they really are lies. I learned to battle against those lies with truth. Little by little I began to grow my confidence. I began believing that God’s truth applied to me. Slowly little things here and there happened and I started believing God had a purpose for me. I started to see that to fulfill God’s purpose I had to go through that tough time. I think my breaking point, where I really started truly healing was in February. I wrote a blog about it here. I still have my struggles but, they are much more normal. I can handle them better. And best yet, I feel like I am actually all the way around truly happy for the first time since this all started. I feel like I am now at the point where I am that bird that is flying.
I have a huge heart for those who are hurting, and I want to help. No one should have to feel the way I did. We are all equal and God created us each for a specific purpose. In 2 Timothy 1:9 it says: Who hath saved us, and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began. In Jeremiah 1:5 is says: Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee….. That is powerful, it is true and it applies to you. God designed a specific purpose for each of us. He gave us a purpose before we were even formed, before the world began!! We are precious in his sight and only we can do what God has given us to do. Those lies that tell you it can’t be done, don’t listen to them. Satan wants to drag us down, but God wants to give us energy, courage, confidence. If you are hurting, please don’t stay that way. I share this to help give you confidence to talk to someone, to call counseling, you can even get ahold of me. Please don’t be afraid or ashamed. God has such a wonderful plan for you and you can do it. You can overcome the lies. If you want to get ahold of me my email is: firstname.lastname@example.org. So now after reading all that, you can start to see how this little un-profound statement can mean so much to me. If you are struggling you can overcome it and one day you will look back and say, I did it.
I also want to give a great big thank you to all my close friends now. You don’t know how much you have helped me. I feel accepted, loved, and I have so much fun with you all! Thanks to my family and in-laws who have walked the path with us. And most of all thank you to Loren, who has stood faithfully by my side the past 6 years, you are truly my best friend.