and many more. I saw the results of the main problem, but couldn’t put my finger on how to fix it. So I dove into trying to fix all my surface problems. I read books, listened to sermons, did bible studies and nothing seemed to help me. When I read the bible it did little to comfort me. I kept thinking, well if I do a little more I will finally get there. I was going way over the top and not really soaking in all the information. I was building a house of cards. With no foundation and very little support, a small wind could blow it over. When I finally brought to light the real problem all the other things started to fall into place.
I don’t know how many others are out there that believe they are an exception. I am sure there are many core problems, but no matter what lie Satan puts in our head, it is not true at all. I had circumstances that led me to the point where I was. I felt that I wasn’t good enough for God. I was scared of him. I was scared I would get to heaven and he would tell me, Im sorry but you are not good enough to enter here. So with this core problem, no matter how much I read the bible and prayed, I had put a wall up that was hindering me. I believed with all my heart that the bible was true, but felt as if I was an exception. Like everyone else deserved the blessings and truths but me.
When the lie that I was an exception was brought to light I was able to work on it. Every negative thought I had, I wrote them down. Then I made 2 columns. One that said evidence for and one that said evidence against. It was hard at first because my in my mind there was not evidence against it. In reality there was alot more evidence against the negative thought than for it. But because I believed I was an exception I never focused on the truths. Once I started to believe the truths, scripture began to comfort me. I really focused on verses that brought God to me. Because I believed I was an exception I felt that God was so distant from me. Like there was glass ceiling. I knew he was there but, felt like that barrier was keeping us apart. I knew we were supposed to have an intimate relationship with him, but I couldn’t get past the barrier I had unknowingly put up. So to get past that I focused on verses like:
“For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” Isaiah 41:13.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Instead of just reading the verse I imagined Jesus saying it directly to me. I actually pictured myself approaching God on his throne when I was praying. When I was going through struggles I started to feel his presence. I began to ask him to hold my hand. Little by little his presence became so real. I realized that I had pushed him away, when all along he was there for me.
Yesterday I stumbled upon this verse:
“And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” 1 John 3:19-20.