Yesterday I threw my to-do list out the window. My plans and expectations went with it. I gave myself a free pass to relax. You see I am the type of person that thrives on lists, goals, schedules, plans, and efficiency. It is really hard for me to give myself a break, I feel guilty. During this pregnancy I have had to force myself to rest and take naps. But all the while my mind is running to the next thing I need to do. I don’t allow my myself to just go with the flow. I try to pack too much in one day. And then when I have time with Loren to just enjoy, I try to pack to much fun and relaxation into our time that it defeats the whole purpose. In my mind I tell myself that I am allowing myself to take breaks, but in reality those breaks are not really breaks.
Yesterday morning I was feeling pretty discouraged because things were not going “as planned.” It finally clicked, and I realized I needed to just let go. To allow myself a whole day of no plans, a nice long walk, a whole lot of reading, and a hot latte. To just go with the flow of the day. I realized that my to-do list would wait. That my own “plans” may not be the best, that maybe just maybe I don’t know best and what happens will be even better. Isn’t it funny how you can know these things in your head to be true, but it doesn’t really sink in until you are at your wits end? But what peace you can find when you finally let go and let your weary emotions have a break. When you truly let your to-do list go and give your self a free pass to just enjoy the day. To not worry, to not plan, to not stress. Just one day to simply go with the flow. It puts me in my place, helps me recharge my frayed emotions, and gently reminds me that each day even when I am following my to-do list, that life will happen and it is okay to let it. To let go of control and focus on what is really important. To stop and take a moment to enjoy the beauty and blessings of life, because that is what keeps us going.
So today I give you a free pass to let go. To forget about your to-do list and give yourself a break. It will be worth it.